Figure you'll save yourself a wad of cash and skip "The Social Network" because — hey — like "Titanic," you already know how it ends? Pump your brakes, sport. There might be a few secrets you don't yet know about Facebook — the world's largest virtual time suck you're always complaining about in your status updates. Here's some super-secret twists that may or may not (pretty much, not) pop up in the plot: * Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg quits Harvard for Palo Alto, Calif. to join lovely and talented Napster dude Sean Parker (Justin Timberlake), only to learn that Timberlake — er — Parker … is a DUDE!
* After six years of convoluted stories about how the nonstop Facebook redesigns are the results of ongoing research based solely on user needs, we learn that Mark Zuckerberg is totally making it up on the fly from the stuff on the bulletin board behind our heads!
* Disillusioned Harvard student Eduardo Saverin discovers that the obnoxious code monkey Mark Zuckerberg who screwed him out of his Facebook shares is actually the other half of Eduardo's split psyche and the only way he can stop him is to get author Ben Mezrich — the dude who wrote the book about the MIT students who made millions gaming Las Vegas — to write a one-sided exposé chronicling Eduardo's beefs in a book Hollywood snaps up before it's even written.
* Unable to silence the imaginary voice whispering, "If you build it, you'll get farm coins," millions of Facebook users willingly expose their personal information to a third party for the privilege of spending countless hours tiling virtual soil in a faux feudal system rather than, you know, having a life.
* Facebook users triumphantly shed their ambivalence about their relationship with the world's largest social network and enthusiastically jump on the metaphorical Facebook bus for what — on the surface — seems a fairy tale happy ending, but is actually a bleak commentary on our unpredictable, ambiguous future.
* After finding the origami unicorn Edward James Olmos fashioned out one of of his "I'm CEO ... b-tch!" business cards, Mark Zuckerberg realizes he is no different from the "dumb f--ks" he's been targeting for years on his social science fiction network.
* Turns out, your online privacy has been dead the whole time!
Related: Facebook movie is all about the hoodies ... and shower shoes
Source: msnbc
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